Hey, guys! So I have finished my first year of University, and I figured its about time that I talk about that because I have just been dragging my feet about actually writing this post. I completed my first year on May 12, and it has been a few weeks, so I think I can finally broach the subject. This post is going to have some personal things that have been going on in my life right now, so please hold back on any negative comments you may have. But let’s just go ahead and jump right into this!
This first semester was so much fun. I made so many friends, I was doing well in all of my classes, and I just was having fun on campus. I went to almost all of the 9:09s and 7:17s (those are the events on my campus where they have like comedians, vocalists, magicians and various other acts brought in), and I dragged my best friend Emily along to most of those. I voted for the first time in the presidential election, which was exciting, and it was just a really great semester for me. I participated in Make a Difference Day 2017, which is the first thing I’ve ever done in regards to volunteer work and it just made me want to volunteer so much more. I loved helping people. It just made me really happy. I also managed to get a 3.6 GPA, and I even made Dean’s List! I got straight A’s aside from my math course, so I just had a really good semester.
Now this is where everything kind of went south for me. This last semester, I was hit by depression. But not like a slap from a human hand. It was more like I was hit by a bus, it came back for seconds and thirds and ran me over a couple of times for good measure. This analogy summed up: Depression kicked my ass. Because my depression hit me so hard (I was off my meds and had been for a few years), I kind of completely lost motivation (which is the exact opposite of what you need to happen in University).
I mean, I literally lost motivation for everything. I stopped reading pretty much completely (excluding February when I read everything I could get my hands on). I skipped class. A lot. Like I almost failed my English Composition class because of the amount of times I had skipped. Sometimes I just forgot to turn in assignments. A lot of times I forgot to do basic things, such as eat or sometimes take a shower. I wanted to live in my room and never leave it. I slept past my alarms a lot, so I was always late to class when I did go. And the reason I slept past my alarms is I couldn’t sleep. I literally stayed up till 5 and 6 am and tried to wake up at 9 for class. That was not working, so I just ended up skipping a lot. I felt very alone, especially when everyone else was celebrating Easter with their families, and for the first time in my life, I had to miss it. That day was one of the worst for me. I was very emotional and cried almost the entire day because I missed my family so much.
And because of all of this, my grades suffered. I did pass all of my classes, but that was it. I did enough to get by all semester. And it bit me in the ass in the end. I got a pretty low GPA, lost my scholarships (they weren’t a ton of money, but they helped a little bit with tuition), and even worse, I disappointed my parents. I don’t know if they think its because I just didn’t care or because I was very depressed. Either way, I did get yelled at by my mother for losing my scholarships…
But as soon as I got home, my mom scheduled me for a doctor’s appointment. So I went, thinking I was just going to get antidepressants, but turns out my body is actually falling apart. In addition to the antidepressants I have to take, I also have to take insomnia meds to make me fall asleep, iron pills because (Surprise, bitch!) I was diagnosed with anemia, and I have to start taking a multivitamin because I am not getting the vitamins I am needing to get due to me being a vegetarian. But that’s pretty much where I am at now.
How I’ve Changed:
I actually did change a lot over the course of this year. I definitely gained a lot more self confidence, I learned how to do my makeup 10x better than what I was doing, and my fashion sense improved a lot. But aside from that, my stance on certain things definitely changed. I do not consider myself to be a Conservative Republican. I don’t even consider myself to be a Republican. I now consider myself an Independent because I am in the middle on a lot of issues. I fluctuate between Republican and Democrat on a lot of issues.
Prior to this year, I would have been just like my parents, I think. I would have been anti-gay (because there is no denying it; they are 100% anti-gay, and my mother admitted this to me. She also thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t anti-gay as well…). However, now, I’ve definitely changed in regards to the LGBTQIA+ community. While I don’t consider myself a complete ally to the community, I don’t full out say that I think they are abominations set on this earth. I’m more in this stage where I’m like, “You two like each other? Cool. Love who you love. Doesn’t make a difference to me.” And apparently thinking like that is akin to Satan in my parents’ eyes…
I also no longer consider myself to be Pro-Life. I know! The horror. What is wrong with you that you are no longer Pro-Life? Do you want to kill babies? Pretty much the reaction I received from my family. But its not like I am Pro-Abortion, either. I personally identify as Pro-Choice. I personally think it should be up to the mother whether she wants to have the baby or not. I’m not saying its okay for knocked up sixteen year olds to have abortions because they don’t want to have a baby. But I don’t think a rape or incest victim should have to have the baby. And of course there are other cases where it would be a viable choice as well, like when a mother’s life or the child’s life would be in serious jeopardy if this woman were to have the baby. But that’s just my opinion. (And apparently its the wrong one in my family’s eyes).
And guess what? I voted Hilary Clinton for President. Not because I think a woman should be president or because I really like Hilary (to be honest, I am not the biggest fan of the woman), but I had two options. I either voted for a murderer or a rapist. I chose the murderer. With the way Trump treated women, and the way he thought about them, I just could not support him, no matter what Hilary did. I am 100% a feminist, and as a woman, I could not support him. I picked, in my opinion, the lesser of two evils. But Trump won anyway. My dad keeps saying, “We finally got a great President in the White House!” and it takes every ounce of my willpower to bite my tongue and not start an argument with him. My brother feels the exact same way. And he gives me shit because I voted Hilary and not Trump. And I kind of want to let him know that he shouldn’t give me crap because he didn’t vote. He shouldn’t even have an opinion to shove down my throat. But I digress…
And there you have it! That was my Life Update in regards to the fact that I finished my first year of University! I had some ups, had quite a few downs, and I changed quite a bit, too. Overall, I can’t say this was a bad first year, and I am super excited for the upcoming year! I think it will be great! (Because I am getting an apartment with my best friend, and it is going to be EPIC.) But that is going to be it for this post today. Thank you all so much for sticking with me and reading this entire thing. I love you all. I hope you enjoyed this little insight into my first year of University, and I will see you in my next post!